Their latest single, “personal casino,” captures that philosophy through a haunting, genre-defying sound and striking visuals filmed in a snowy forest in Japan. In this interview, personalheartbreaker talks to LOCK Magazine about finding their artistic identity, the meaning behind “personal casino,” their creative process, collaboration, and the importance of making art that leaves room for listeners to discover themselves within it.
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Can you tell us a bit about your musical background and how you got started in music?
My history with music is pretty long, and I loved singing and dancing for as long as I can remember. I started taking piano and vocal classes at 8 years old, wrote my first songs at 13, and learned production at 16. At that time, I was still at the very start of really finding myself, my sound, and my artistry. I took a break from the world of music when I was 18 to go and explore the world and discover my true identity, and came back about a year ago, when I started preparing for the launch of personalheartbreaker.
Who are some of your biggest musical influences, both past and present?
I grew up listening to a lot of the 2013-2015 Tumblr era “emo” and alternative bands, so my very core influences include My Chemical Romance, Twenty One Pilots, Arctic Monkeys, The Neighborhood, The 1975, and Bring Me The Horizon. Then, around the COVID era, I discovered the darkwave/witch house-adjacent music that was rapidly growing on the internet, especially on TikTok, and I absolutely fell in love with the sound. From that cluster, I became a big fan of Crystal Castles, Mareux, Artemas, among other incredible artists, and I believe their influence can be easily traced across my works. Additionally, I’ve been a big admirer of Grimes, especially due to her immaculate visuals, and I’m a huge fan of Gesaffelstein for his phenomenal sound design and signature music style. Some other notable acts that I enjoy are Chase Atlantic and Bad Omens. I definitely lean more towards darker and more experimental styles with a lot of cold, metallic, and ethereal elements.
Tell us about your new single and video for “personal casino.”
“Personal Casino” is my second original single, and it has come a long way to sound the way it does now. We rewrote the arrangement 3 times, the vocals 2 times, and a big part of the vocal melody was fully freestyled. That might be one of the reasons why the track sounds very experimental and hard to define genre-wise, but I love it for that. I believe it represents the true spirit of musical exploration and discovery, and it pleasantly surprised me. The lyrics and the meaning are also very interesting and dear to me. I always aim to capture very specific and complex human emotions in my work, and I love making stories that change, evolve, and progress throughout the piece, often coming to unexpected conclusions or allowing multiple interpretations. This track, in essence, is about chaos and the desire to always want more to keep oneself excited and entertained. Hence the metaphor of the casino and gambling with one’s own life. But then it evolves into the acknowledgment of the emptiness that chaos cannot fill, and of the destruction it really brings. The ending, which is my favorite part, is the point of acceptance of the fact that that relentless drive ended up dissolving and replacing the original identity, leaving the character (me) only more lost. The story is based on my personal experience of searching for my real self and identity; hence it’s the “Personal” Casino (but also because I’m personalheartbreaker ;)). The visuals were filmed in a snowy forest in Japan in March of this year, and it’s one of my absolute favorite shoots to date. The katana and the snowy surroundings represent the feeling of loneliness and emptiness, but also of desire and dedication bordering despair. I love talking about the meaning and all the parallels and metaphors behind the work, since they hold the most value for me, so I know this is a lot 🙂 But I really hope that the track and the video will resonate and inspire the listeners, and that someone might find a reflection of themselves in this release.
Are there any specific artists or bands that have had a significant impact on your music style or approach?
I definitely think all the artists that I mentioned before had their share of influence on my music style. “Personal Casino” in particular was inspired by the works of Clams Casino (I find the casino parallel very amusing), Gesaffelstein, and Bring Me The Horizon. The instrumental was written by my fellow artist, partner, and long-term collaborator ENCASSATOR, who is featured on the track. He writes a lot of internet-inspired experimental electronic, so his original sound and vision can definitely be traced throughout the song as well. Apart from that, I always strive to discover new music and creators, and I take notes and references from anything that resonates, so each composition is inspired by different sounds, genres, and artists.
Could you share any memorable moments or experiences that have shaped your musical journey so far?
I think the most beautiful part of artistry for me is creating and collaborating with my friends. I have an amazing community of talented and creative people all around the world, and I love bringing our ideas together to make something truly special. I write music with my partner, and most of the visuals were shot by my photographer and videographer friends in Tokyo and LA. For my next release, we filmed a music video that was directed by my best friend, and I wrote another upcoming song when my partner and I were just hanging out at my place in Tokyo. I find that so beautiful and inspiring, and I want to keep working with new people and artists, so we grow and evolve together by sharing and shaping our creative vision.
How do you express your personal experiences and identity through your music?
Even though a lot of my work is very metaphorical and abstract, the core ideas and meanings always come from my personal experiences, opinions, or emotions. I don’t think I would be able to write about something entirely unfamiliar and distant from who I am and what I think and believe in. I tend to take a very raw and vulnerable intimate emotion and wrap it into the layers of complex narratives, symbolism, and theatrics. I write all of my lyrics, and I curate the visual counterpart and its core pillars. I also experiment a lot with my own appearance as an artist, which is the most direct expression of personal identity. So, at the end of the day, all of these bits and pieces combine into a vast artistic world, which I often compare to how my soul would look if it were a place.
Have you faced any challenges or obstacles as a female musician, and if so, how have you overcome them?
Of course, there are a lot of challenges, especially at the beginning of an artistic career, particularly regarding visibility and communication, but I believe everyone faces that. The music industry can often be exploitative and even predatory, and that’s why I choose to work with trusted people that I have personal connections to. I also always clearly define my boundaries and scope of responsibilities, and I stay rational and analytical when it comes to the business side of art, not being blinded by emotion or ambition. I believe the key is to know exactly what you want and how to get it, stay true to yourself and your values, and not be afraid to walk away when you get second thoughts or feel uncomfortable.
Are there any particular themes or messages that you aim to convey through your music?
Definitely. I have a number of core themes that are continuously explored throughout the project, and they can be divided into clusters. The first one is identity, and it often involves inner conflict or exploration of perception, bias, and subjective truth. Then, there’s desire, ambition, and striving for idealism and perfectionism, often contrasted with vulnerability and the flawed imperfection of human nature, alongside the exploration of themes of cruelty, destruction, and unfairness. The final ideological segment covers rage and disillusionment and the resulting need for change and evolution. In combination, all these themes can be seen as an all-encompassing cycle of life, and that’s precisely the core of all art. The main message that I aim to convey is that people and the world are incredibly complex and cannot be reduced to obvious right or wrong or black and white. The only thing we can do is learn, explore, accept, and move forward, shaping our beliefs, values, and subsequent actions. I really want the listeners to think, reflect, relate, and create their own unique takeaways.
Can you talk about your creative process and how you go about writing and producing your music?
I write at home, and I built my own little studio. When I do the arrangement, I start with the instrumentals and sometimes freestyle the vocal lines during production, though usually that comes after the final beat is completed. I do tend to write vocal melodies from freestyle with gibberish, but sometimes I try to play them on the keyboard first. It really depends on the creative flow of the moment, and I don’t limit myself to specific guidelines and order. Lyrics always come after all the melodic components are set, and I write the entire text in one go, perfectly matching the beats and the number of syllables per line, etc. Sometimes I have to write extra during the final recording, but again, I prefer to keep everything flexible and relaxed. Wordless vocal filler with airs, chops, and FX usually comes in the moment, unless I already have some lines planned in the demo. Every track has its own unique backstory and production process, but I always let the idea guide me, rather than the opposite.
How do you hope your music will resonate with your audience, especially with other aspiring female musicians?
I definitely hope to bring novelty, curiosity, and emotional response with my art. My priority is to really make people feel something. It could be discomfort, unease, intrigue, fascination, catharsis, intimacy – anything that truly touches the soul. I do want the listeners to feel seen and understood, see parts of themselves in the art, and come to new reflections and realizations while maintaining the air of mystery and ambiguity around the project and its world. For other artists, especially aspiring female musicians, I hope my art brings new ideas, inspiration, motivation, and confidence to explore their own identity and express it freely and sincerely, with no fear, self-doubt, or compromise.